Under control

Under control, by Cynthia Kim (Musings of an Aspie blog).  A very thoughtful article about how having everything under control is both exhausting and an illusion- and an examination of her need for control.

“I’m ill-equipped for a lot of aspects of life; at some point, control became my primary coping mechanism. Life was hard and confusing and scary. Being in control could fix that.

Control was an all-purpose strategy. I couldn’t just replace it with one new strategy. Instead, I had (and still have) to look at each situation and ask myself where is the urge to control this coming from? What will I need to feel safe or comfortable in this situation? How can that happen?

Ironically, the more I give up on trying to control all of the things and people around me, the less out of control I feel. And that really is a good thing.”

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