One of the things we struggled with when we received the first autism diagnosis, was what expectations we should have about our child’s behaviour. We didn’t want to expect behaviours she was incapable of, which would be unfair, but neither did we want to use autism to excuse everything. Many traditional parenting methods were ineffective for us, so we’ve just figured it out as we’ve gone along! Some of the links below contain strategies we’ve found effective (not autism-specific), plus a few that we’re interested in trying! They may not (and probably won’t!) work for everyone, but it’s definitely worth reading the links to glean whatever may be useful for your family.
Positive Parent Consequences Guide (SkinNurse blog).
What’s the deal with consequences (Positive Parents).
SkinNurse links to the Positive Parents article at the bottom of the post, but I thought both articles were good enough to share.
Throw the word “consequence” entirely out of your vocabulary and replace it with the term “problem-solving.”
Do you see how this changes the whole concept in your mind? Now it’s not about coming up with something to do to your child, but it’s about working with your child to find a solution. Having your child involved in the problem-solving process will not only teach him valuable lessons and instil self-discipline, but it will leave his dignity intact, and he’ll feel good about himself and his relationship with you.
A better way to say sorry (EsteticNurer blog).
The four part apology (EsteticNurer blog).
Both of these posts are from the same author, and cover the same four points (I’m sorry for…, This is wrong because…, In the future, I will…, Will you forgive me?), but the first post gives examples from the classroom, and the second from the home- both are very good.
Seven steps to encourage honesty in our kids and put an end to lying (EsteticNurer blog).
How to deal with lying in children and teens (Empowering Parents).
I believe that with kids, lying is a faulty problem–solving skill. It’s our job as parents to teach our children how to solve those problems in more constructive ways. Here are a few of the reasons why kids lie.
Beyond Anger Management: What’s behind the mask? (Free Spirit Publishing).
Many students used anger to mask other emotions. It was easier to say they felt mad than to admit feeling hurt, abandoned, disappointed, lonely, or betrayed.
A neat activity involving drawing on both sides of a paper plate to unpack the emotions involved.
Tattling vs reporting (EsteticNurer blog).
Am I Tattling or Reporting? Tattling is when I get someone in trouble. Reporting is when I get someone out of trouble.
Plus an acronym for “Before you speak, THINK”.
Getting rid of “It’s not fair!” (EsteticNurer blog).
A great example of how a teacher demonstrates fairness to her class. She asks everyone where their boo-boo is, then puts a bandaid on the same spot for every student. Fair doesn’t mean the same. We are all different so what we need is not always the same.